buggerzblog 23

 

Buggerzblog 23:

 

Below, for those of you who speak German, or just want to test your friends, this is my text for the gay Not grey Fashion Show:

 

I appear as a clapped-out totally shagged-out, pissed over-sexed, underfucked transvestite, ex-RAF officer, who has to be demonstrated to have a “nobler side”, hence this text!

 

A note to BEN, whose mother is setting him this as homework:  just to test out his German teacher’s up-to-date gay slang:

 

Klemmschwester = closet queen

 

Schwuchtel = faggot or pansy ( if he knows These Words.. Then, “hm hm, ……. nuff sed!“

 

OXFORD: auf an die Universität!

 

Zum ersten mal weg von zu Hause!

Viel Theater gemacht in den Jhren als Zeitgenosse von Monty Python:

Nachher immer noch als Klemmschwwester wieder nach Hause gekehrt!

Polygram: die James Brown Ära!

Jahrelang durch die ganze Welt gereist in Sachen Pop Musik:

Theater: London & Sydney here I come!

Viele Jahre Theaterstücke und Musicals gemacht, z. B.

Die Rockoper TOMMY von the WHO

Und 8 Jahre 42nd Street in London & Sydney

　

Mauerfall und die QUEEN MUM!

Ein neues Leben ALS Sprachdozent und Dolmetscher

Sie Rostocker Werft und Ölplattformen

Mein Vater hätte gesagt:

“Endlich mal macht die nutzlose Tunte etwas technisches und nutzvolles!”

Internet: die Befreiung!

Sex und SNAXX in Hamburg Rostock und Berlin!

Jetzt sind die Wanderjahre vorbei!

Aber es macht immer noch Spaß!

ENJOY!!

Jetzt müssen wir weitergärtnern, genau wie Voltaire es uns in Candide vorgeschrieben hat!

“il faut cultiver votre jardin!”

Merci!

Biggerzblog19

well it HAS  been a Long time, mostly because too much has happened rather than too little: most of it boring interfamilias  money-scrapping, which it would be far too unliterary to Trouble you with! s  will either throw in the towel, or just Keep writing and leave you all to imagine th near-suicidal stuf!! – which knowing me, you will be well able to do I am sure!!

 

Boy friends?? rubbish: literally: now the garden is pulling me through as usual: first sprouts onf the balcony and the roses actauyll survived the winter!! AND I am modelling in the ^year jubilee Show here of “GAY not GRAY” – the Fashion Show! so eat yr hats you lot! June 8: be there!! zhe cherries are in blossom outside my window: so what the hell!! the snow was absolutely wonderful: I don’t care what the others all say: I loved it!! I will Keep this really short, because I have to rush off to a naked photoshoot! YES: so reach for the sickbags!! AND I have started very limited teaching: only to a 7ß yr old Argentinian lesbian who wants to improve her English because her girlfriend is American and she keeps on losing when they have their dyke-tiffs!!

 

 

el bugger

Buggerz blog no. 22

Buggerz Blog 22 …. Valentine’s Day (for god’s sake)

 am a gay old bugger living in a gay old buggerz home in Berlin:

 

 

 

LEAD-UP to Valentine’s Day:

 

Bugger‘z Blog Sheet No. 22 

 

Since many of you have been badgering me for news about the Truckie from Leipzig (Maybe this is the moment to go as far as to tell you his name is Uwe). Well he appeared on Tuesday evening quite late and said “Pack a few things for 2 nights or so: come downstairs and get in the car: so obedient as any queen would be under such circumstances, I sat in the car and asked where we were going, because all he had said was “to the Baltic coast.   You decide”

Well that’s quite a big space when you thin k about it so I just said “put Rostock-Hohe Düne” in the sat-nav: and that is where we went to begin with (I used to live there, so I was on familiar territory, with a few surprises up my sleeve! Well we had an exciting journey through quite a lot of snow and romantic swathes of fog. We had never spent so much time together before: so we went to Rostock, to Warnemünde to the quayside smoked fish market and shared our lunch with the seagulls: THEY certainly enjoyed it! Also showed him what used to be my own secret beach when I was teaching there quite quite different in snow and black ice of course (especially in a wheelchair on a sloped mole with turbulent black seas in the background). But still a sensation: at least we now both know what landscape and weather masochists we are!  The weather stayed resolutely cold, but did we care a shit?? We lapped it up!  Lovely snowscape as seen from the bed: the only thing that was cold around there as you can well imagine! (You filthy-minded buggers)! We then went to Heilgendamm, the Kaiser’s own seaside resort ensemble( which you all saw when Angela hosted her G8 set there, a sort of German version of its contemporary The Brighton Pavilion).    Back via Rostock and coffee in a café in a mediaeval nunnery within the city walls, can you believe it??)

Then back to the digs where I dId pop the following question (hold your breath girls!)  “Now Tell me Uwe, this trip is delightful, don’t get me wrong I appreciate the adventure and the spontaneity of it all, but I m not that NAIVE! So spill the beans: is this trip intended to see if we can bear to be in the same room together for 24 hours??

 

UWE: Yes, but not only that, he wanted to see if he could perform all of the technical manoeuvres necessary to be with a slightly lamed temperamental bitch of the first order without breaking into a hot sweat every few minutes: so as he said, for him it was primarily a “Liebesübung” (an exercise in love) :

 

AND THE GENERAL CONSENSUS FROM BOTH SIDES: A complete success!

 

Thank god!

 

That’s all for today, you scandal-mongering bitches!

 

El bugger

Buggerz Blog 21 (mostly Alzheimers, I seem to remember)

Buggerz Blog 21 …. mixing Alzheimeras and normal(queers) (Automatisch gespeichert)

I am a gay old bugger living in a gay old buggerz home in Berlin:

 

 

 

 

 

Bugger‘z Blog Sheet No. 21 

 

Not quite sure what rubbish to regale you with this time: We here in the buggerz home are all feeling a bit betrayed by the much-vaunted website header philosophy for the flat-share in particular: which is labelled an experiment with ‘normal’ residents, ie. Mentally well-adjusted folk living together with Alzheimers patients:  

 

Well no bugger seems to have thought about this for as much as five minutes: I gueess just about long enough to register that the state care insurance pays a higher subsidy for looking after full-blown Aizheimers folk: and WE have just one such person here a highly-educated intellectual and musician who has recently rapidly deteriorated before our eyes to  the extent that he has to be taught anew to use cutlery at every meal: he is, it is true most of the time pretty genial: but when he is not ( and there were 5 such attacks in the last week)  when he just snaps for no reason that we can identify: presumably his frustrate at seeing all of us ‘normals’ (what a joke that is!) going about normal tasks of daily survival: like conversation, eating,, telephoning and so on. When he snaps he quite likes to have a knife or fork within close reach so that he can stab at the table: or other objects which are available for surface penetration: AND he likes attacking people from behind: pulling them along by their hair (Jane/Tarzan-style) if it is long enough: or wrestling them to the ground: the only words of wisdom which have been dispensed to assist the general  atmosphere of fright have been” well so far he has only attacked the staff, never the residents”

 

Well big deal: how long are we supposed to jolly along on that??  The trouble is that absolutely NOTHNG  grips his attention: he does not know which is his room ( and since mine is opposite his this means frequent surprise visits) he used at least to love going for a walk but even this VERY time-consuming hobby is now treated with disdain………………..

 

So in our poor opinion, as guinea pigs: the experiment simply means that ALL of the staff’s available time is required to look after him: so that WE get a very raw deal, especially given the fact that most of us are in the course of pretty crucial physiotherapy rehabilitation manoeuvres: which also need the physical presence of a further member of staff: so WATCH this space and don’t leave your door open at night!

 

However there has been some fun_ last night I went to the Deutsche Oper for “Peter Grimes”: the English National Opera production: absolutely excellent: must get round to organising more trips!

 

 El bugger

 

 

Buggerzblog 19

 I am a gay old bugger living in a gay old buggerz home in Berlin:

 

 

 

 

 

Bugger‘z Blog Sheet No. 19 

 

 This will be mostly about tight-arsed Turkish greengrocers and how they turn old men into snivelling, puling, pathetic, lovelorn, sex-starved teenies (they should be banned!): the former that is.

 

Well this is almost all about DENIZ the charming greengrocer on the corner of the street: he gave me his phone no. The first time I met him and immediately gave me the feeling: that this was an area: in which I could live comfortably: this has proved indeed to be the case: with increasingly goodwill on his part:  and the quality of his wares (the stuff on the shelves I mean!).  I try to visit him later in the days: because earl in the morning he is still at the wholesale market: and one is served by his mother or aunt: so in such cases I usually say” Thanks: I’ll be back later”

 

The day before yesterday in deep and driving snow: my chair pusher and friend and neighbour here, Bernd: was pushing me towards the shop around 10:00 am: and Bernd exclaimed: “my god: he IS there AND he is wearing tight jeans: (because usually he wears a long green wraparound apron of the kind which should be illegal for tight-arsed Turks!

 

Well, today for the very first time the apron was not there: because he was still unloading: AND he had his jeans tucked into riding boots: (this news on the gay websites: cause such a wave of anticipatory moisture: that I have only received complaints: because I took no pictures of either packet or derrière: I can scarcely believe it myself: except that it was snowing hard: I was wearing gloves: and my pockets were full of other rubbish than cameras: I did not know that I was on EARLY MORNING ARSE-WATCH DUTY!! That IS MY ONLY DEFENCE. PATHETIC. Now I WILL have to make a series of visits until I catch him, when I am appropriately equipped, to immortalise his nether regions:

 

NOW can you beat that for PATHETIC!!

 

Let me know anyway here is a pick with apron: and old crone (a drag old crone)

Buggerzblog 18

 where are we today: mostly in a state of not wanting to say anything we will regret or regard as childish by the end of the sentence: mostly woman’s magazine stuff at the moment I’m afraid: so THAT wont interest most of you! where are we today: mostly in a state of not wanting to say anything we will regret or regard as childish by the end of the sentence: mostly woman’s magazine stuff at the moment I’m afraid: so THAT wont interest most of you! well believe it or not the truckie from Leipzig decided that we should indeed put in an appearance: although most of our appearances together downstainrs leave such a trail of waiters’ and inhabitants’ gossip and rumours that one begins to wonder whether it is all worth it: but on the assumption that if two people really are fond of one another then wh the fuck should we hide it!

 

So we met in my room an hour before: and “styled” on another: to my amazement he turned me, with the assistance of a cup of sugar water and a comb into his version of an Al Capone-type gangster: something new to live up to! I must say: it’s a role-a-day around here: so don’t give up girls just becuse the clock is ticking ever faster! fortunately I was not required to do any actual dancing: there was an accomapyning entertainment programme mostly made upf of burlesque drsga la Royal Vauxhall tavern plus an astouningly good live trans Asian kid singing Dalida, Piaf etc in French. Followed by a sensational Japanese opera singer who has been here before and who can really rock the place with Puccini as if she were sining Rolling Stones stuff: The Aisna boy could even match up to her in duet: all of this was accompanied: now get your sickbags out: by an ever ore ardent stream of attention from Leipzig: with endless confessions of everlasting love accompanied by a series of French kisses seeminlgy designed to redeinfe the activity I can’t say that I brushed him off! Why the hell: I’ve been waiting around for 70 years for this kind of stuff: if the other tables find it too pornographic: then they know what they can do: Get back in the jealous bitches box!!

Whilst all of this was going on he was outlining  his plans for me in the future, wchich involve us travelling to various parts of the world, initiaööy restricted to europe and Nrthern Africa, so don’t pack your cases and flee too fast: in the cabin of his truck, which he assures is luxuriously fitted (I have heard ruours to this effect) and which I am invited to inspect for a trial run in the near futures: my god: what do I wear for that! Divided skirts presumably! I must say I have started to take this QUITE seriously because it is a recurring theme with him unswervingly similar whether related to the accompaniment of Rioja or just a cup of decaff: We shall see: Anyway: I bet ours was the most dramatic table conversation around in the joint that evening: Being for SENIOR CITIZENS (mostly) the disco ended, merifully, around midnight: and since I am now mostly moving around ” almost on foot” there was nothing left but to stagger up the stairs. which we managed to do more ore less gracefully! 

Buggerz Blog 17

Just a quick line on Sylvia Laine/Millar: who died recently: I did say I would post my  nostalgic memorial anecdotes here: and have been rightly criticised for not doing so! So here they are with the blessing too of Gavin Millar her hhusband!

sYLVIA