Consumer Report on Hospitals in Berlin


Why a completely shagged out old bag should always have her lipstick in her arse pocket!
Well, Folks it had to come sooner or later! A Trip to a Berlin hospital (or clinic as they are often called (a difference which is always reflected in the bill if not in the servicc!)
As a first foray I had a fall, right outside me own door! The “concrete kiss” as I call them because the moment your hip hits the concrete you feel SO goddam stupid because it could almost always be avoided. Anyway I lay on my bed trying to ignore the pain then thinking: go for an x-ray you stupid bugger: otherwise you will be lying here all night wondering if the pin in your hip is going to pop out: so with Horror thoughts of the A&E Departmentin mind: I rustled up my skirts and rushed over to the Schloss Park Clinic, to be treated in A&E by a young slender tanned and discreetly muscled Nordic dream doctor to such wondrous healing Effekt that when he finally assured me that no harm had been done and said “You can gor home now, or you could stay the night here!”

For once the stupid bitch in me did not prevail! I thought, don’t be stupid! HE is just on duty in A&E: you will NEVER see him again! When you get up to the ward you will find yourself once again in the arms of the usual snippysnappy, hornrimmed bespectacled dyke endemic to such leisure centres. So one last passionate hug of the muscled tanned wonder doctor and I was whisked off home!

But believe me those muscles were well worth the concrete kiss! When I got home I was just telling Beate here how pretty the doctor was, when I looked at my chiffonnier and saw the packet: I said “Beate I must táke that back I am now totally confused because I see that I took a Viagra because it was SO boring waiting for the ambulance to come! So God knows what he really looked like!

However since then have had another more enduring foray on account of a stomach problem: I just got back yesterday from a clinic rather chicly called the Auguste-Victoria Klinikum ( I think she must have been some Kaiser bitch!)
This was the real thing alright! Snippy bitches abounded on the staff! Apart from the 6th doctor I had ( 6 doctors in 6 days!) When this one came in it took me a few miautes before I even said to him “I suppose you are a doctor as well then! Anyway it turned out that he had studied medicine at the University of Cardiff! So I ended up doing a deal with him: “Listen if you promise to get me out of this hole by 15:00 hours tomorrow then ýou can spend the morning performing any kind of examination on me you like°. I must be out by then because I am going to the theatre you see!”

Well it worked: and in thhe evening I was whisked off to “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” that GDR rock musical about the trannie Hedwig whose dick was 1 inch too small to build an adequate vagina (sorry to use that word here!). I am sure most of you saw it on Broadway or off it anyway! It was an excellent production with a real belter of a singer in tue lead in a dingy cellar in East Berlin (almost opposite the Berliner Ensemble!) was just the place to see it! Then back home with Manfred and a whole group of giggling neighbours from here ( you see YES it was the Office outing! That’s why I just HAD to get back for it!).. More to come Sohn. We have a lot planned for tue Autumn: Saturday is a 7 kilometre demo march to the Russian Embassy in support of Gay rights in Russia! (Should be a good place to pick up a few phone numbers!)

El Bugger

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