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Buggerz Blog 38

………….. and life goes on, just about!

Let’s just pause to try and see the funny side! just a few days before Xmas and I am in the Schlosspark Klinik Berlin for the 2nd time: had 2 more OPs to remove the elaborate amount of metal from my broken leg, since it didn’t seem to be cutting the mustard! this fact was established by the nurse at home as she changed the dressing: suddenly crying” Jeez, I can see the screws!” thus we ascertained that all was not well. and above all that it was my leg she was looking at and not my head!

Took the 309 bus to the clinic (handy that……… door to door to A & E)

Now on Monday in 2 days we have the delight of anticipating a third OP. in which they will examine the alternative of a skin graft: Seems as if this is the best hope: since I now have osteoporosis.
Who’d have thought it! But so does my friend Anna Köhler and she is 76 and has had it under control for years. So I will be getting a few tips from her.
However, quite lot of support from my NEW CIRCLE OF BERLIN FRIENDS:: above all from Bernd, Manfred, Markus, Thomas, Viktoria and Elena: Thank god, I made the decision to consciously cultivate a new circle of friends and activities in the middle of this year!

Best decision I could have made I think!….. quite apart from the lack of any alternative! since I am not a paid-up member of any of the currently popular purveyors of boosting, mprale-nourishing fairytales: viz. the church, buddha, the Koran, Shinto, Confucius, crack cocaine, beluga and champagne, toyboys and dildos, unsafe sex with David Beckham, ANY kind of sex with David Beckham, even sex with Louis Hamilton or Jenson Button, pornography et al…

Thank god we still have Monty Python to believe in! of course at risk of trying to profile myself as lonely & pathetic, I also have the theatre group, the garden group, the neighbourhood support group, cooking at home, the piano (on the back burner I’m afraid with the leg not able to operate the pedals) PLUS I hope to be out of here on the 21st, (dreams are made of this!!) at the latest to put the finishing touch to the table silver and the floral decorations before the dreaded day of druidical joliment: this is all dependant on the state of the leg after its next OP, and its cooperative facility: on which I am putting big money: because after the last two OPs I had virtually no pain at all!
let’s hope it stays that way!
———- more to come, off for a nap now!

not much happened except that I have a date for tomorrow: Manfred coming over after work!!
a big UPPER that!
I must confess, life at the moment would be pretty grim without him!
but I must start to come to terms with the grim reality of this accident alone::::: must do exactly what the doctors order (not exactly my forte: I like rather to bend the rules! but the future mobility of the leg depends more or less wholly upon this!)
and what a welter of mixed opinions there are!

Most of what I need could be done at home here anyway, particularly the food bit, since I need to put on quite a lot of weight quite quickly! TRY that on hospital food!

Whereas at home I can eat and drink what I like when I like, AND help cook it too: especially in the highly calorific festive season ( and we have designed a fatty carnivorous menu to blow your mind and most folks’ waistlines too: but unless I can wheedle my way out of here,,, it won’t do much for me!
The other factor is mobility of body and, above all, of mind! the latter especially: because lying in a hospital bed is definitely not my thing! I am working hard on this one above all, that’s one reason I am writing all of this pukeful trash: because at least it keeps me out of bed for a tiny bit longer: so expect a deluge of rubbish over the next few days!

I will try to dose it as delicately as possible!

………………………but before Manfred came, Viktoria (our retired doctor) arrived to give me some advice on how to behave in a “give health a fucking chance ” manner after the OP.

She went back to the WG to buy me a chinese meal for tonight!
Manfred and I went to the cafeteria for a moan-and-love- you-darling chat!
Then we retired here to the computer having run through all of the rumours about our “scandalous” behaviour: you know the stuff: just because we don’t visibly hate each other we are supposed to have raped every man in sight ( at least all of those palatable in the eyes of the gossipers!)

They would, as always, be disappointed with the truth: I have discovered that gossiping faggots nearly always get the story 100% the wrong way round, thinking the person they want to FUCK them is fucking the person they “hate”, whereas it is usually the other way round: the person they want to fuck them is actually getting fucked by the person they “hate”…………

………. don’t know why they dream all this shit? – it must make for very poor masturbation!

Anyway, now I can look forward to my chinese microwave!!
good, since as from midnight I am “nil by mouth” until tomorrow afternoon!
Now we will take a dinner break!
……………………and see today’s rushes in the screening room of my ultra-cynical eye…………
then I will interpolate with an overview of my years in Germany

*********************************************************…………Just before the OP the doctor came to me and said, “we would like to try an experiment with you! Normally the procedure we are about to do requires an anaesthetic, with you we would like to try it without! If you feel ok with this! me:

” yes, ok”

well it did not hurt too much: AND I could take photos!
They even repeated some bits for me, the doctor saying: “did you get that bit?”
No pain as such, but no concrete decision either except that there will be another OP on Thursday which has now been postponed to Friday: so it is clear that I will be stuck here for Xmas! tomorrow Manfred will be bringing some dinner for us to eat together! Thank god! just feeling utterly senile today: that’s the only effect hospitals have on me!
I specifically feel 20 years older today: AND I feel blocked at every turn: I suppose many would say: “well that’s just old age! but I am not quite ready to throw in the towel yet! although one constantly has the feeling that that is what they would prefer!


now here is the above-promised précis of my time in Germany..

…………mainly for my own enlightenment!

I first came to Germany on a work basis in 1968 when I was on a brief winter holiday in Hamburg and was offered a job at Deutsche Grammophon ( or Polydor International as it was rapidly re-named).
In those days DG was the flagship ornament of the company, which then still belonged to Siemens: it’s colours principally flown by Herbert von Karajan. Whose illustrious recordings were continually subsidised by the earnings tumbling in in millions from the endless albums of a German musician from Bremen who learnt to play jazz from the occupying Americans: his name was and IS James Last… and HE is still on the road! some folks have stamina!I

I worked here in Hamburg in the interntional department, initially as art director and then also as coordinator of international artists’ promotions, which meant flitting around the world arranging tours and publicity campaigns: after about 8 years of this I managed to manouevre a move to the London office for a further few years, the period which started and confirmed my non-love affair with the USA………………

This Polydor period in London was in the Marylebone Road in Harley House
…… at least during this time I could live in my flat in Clapham: and this was the second long core period of my life as a Londoner (which is what I still really regard myself as: the first period had been the years at the Royal Shakespeare Company in the Aldwych Theatre and the Royal Court Theatre in Sloane Square).

Then, somehow or other, my flatmate Harry Waistnage, the stage designer: came to London for Xmas ( he was working on the Dietrich/Bowie film “Just a Gigolo” at the time) and he brought his assistant Jochen Canobbi, with him. So, as Jochen always said, we met in a phone kiosk at Victoria Station.

That was the beginning of 18 wasted years of private life, in my opinion: but I have bored you all with that before! I mention it here because the resulting affair, which started during my time of working for Backstage productions in London. “Filumena” directed by Franco Zefirelli, a Dracula exravaganza with George Chakiris as the villain…….. then the WHO’s TOMMY with which I had often been involved over the years. which featured my friend Peter Straker as the narrator and played at the Queen’s Theatre on Shaftesbury Avenue.

Anyway having met Jochen, we at first and very temporarily moved back to Berlin, to the Chamissoplatz in Kreuzberg, before forming a film set construction company on Eiswerder in Spandau. We were into lofts before the term had even been invented!! This was done in cooperation with his sister who stupidly gave up the charming flat in Kreuzberg, the same one, which had been expanded and renovated to turn it into a gem, wish I had it now of course!

All of this with the company lasted about 1 whole year before we rushed over to London leaving a trail of debts! We shacked up at Helen and Russell’s. I was already very busy at work on an LP for the Italian group KRISMA, whom I had come to know via Polydor and who had visited us in the Berlin lofts and rather fancied my poems as the basis for song texts: Think I resisted?? of course not. and the result was a hit album (‘Cathode Mama’…… you can still hit it on Youtube! which yielded two number 1’s in Italy.) So most nights I was in the studios with Hans Zimmer incidentally, who did sessions on the album…… YES he was still a session musician! in Wardour St. at Trident Studios most nights, leaving JC at home to do some “creative thinking” as Russell called it! Eventually he got a job in Sheila Pickle’s perfume shop Penhaligons…… and was eventually tempted by a film job back to Hamburg………. and by a woman whom he married and divorced with a speed worthy of Elizabeth Taylor!

I forget the chronology of the series of events somewhat, but I think he went to Venezuela to make a film somewhere there: it didn’t come to much AND yes I WAS stupid enough to follow him for a short time: I think then I had a longer period of not working in Germany: right and I fancied getting lost in a Venezuelan tropical jungle at Christmas time!
Then I got involved in catering and then opened a restaurant in Down St. in London: rave notices from Fay Maschler etc. but the stuff we were doing was basically too sophisticated for the financiers!
Just before I left there Helen Montagu was opening 42nd. Street with David Merrick at Drury Lane. to cut many stories short: this was in 1984. I started to work at the “Lane” and that went on for nearly 5 years: during which time I earnt enough money to buy a divine house in Normandy. Jochen was at the same time buying us another house in Normandy (we had recently bought a house together in Forest Hill in London and then he promptly bought a house in the souk of Marrakesh , together with a well-heeled girlfriend from Stuttgart, so at that stage we were a 5-house “family”, without two coins to rub together! of course, by this stage Jochen had changed to Islam (as opposed to just good old homosexuality!) and started to become increasingly ill ( an illness which he regarded as Allah’s curse on his gayness and which he therefore refused to have treated. Therefore enhancing the unnecessary number of aids deaths by one more! He died and was, ironically, buried in Spandau about 3 years ago:

I had never planned a further period of residence in Germany, but with all of these houses around (AND having just completed 3 years ín Australia on 42nd Street)…………

………………….HOW COULD I FORGET!!!!! …………. the wall was just falling, one could not miss that…… so with Helen off to East Berlin we went, to plan a season at the Staatsoper a few kilometers from where I sit at this very minute: This was blighted by problems over the rights, which no one had clarified because no one ever thought the wall would fall!

so when this project crumbled I was in an “embaras de maisons” in Normandie and had rented out the one in which I was actually living, packed all my stuff, dug up everything worth eating from the large garden and loaded the car with garlic and ripe raspberries and unfulfilled kohlrabi AND four sorts of designer potatoes: Blue Congo, rattes du Touquet etc………
because Helen had a project worth returning to London for: a new John Osborne play with Peter o’ Toole.( who just died today– “Déjà Vu” (Never was a title more laden with true foreboding) However the evening before I was due to leave she rang to say that P. the Tool had gone on a bender: with the car packed and nowhere to go, the house rented out I decided to drive to Berlin. it was around 1991/2: I then stayed a few months with Jochen’s sister and her husband in Berlin/Gatow until I was tempted to Hamburg by an advert for trainee English teachers at Berlitz. The dawn of the third career was upon us. At long last I was a school marm, just like my grandmother

……………………for Russian-speakers in business and all fields of activity English was the new MUST! I became an almost permanent feature at the Rostock shipbuilding yard, taking a flat there, also lightening things up by flitting a few times a week to Hamburg also, where I taught mostly film people: A good contrast: welders and film producers. Sooner or later I felt the need to find some more amusing regular gay accommodation.
so, answering an ad, for gay B & B I met Dietmar Siebert and stayed regularly at his place in Stuvkamp for some years, until one day when we were on a trip to London Dietmar suddenly said in 1999 “Why don’t we share a place in Hamburg, then you just reverse your commuting habits commuting from Hamburg TO Rostock! So we two (Thomas arrived a couple of years later) moved into these three small apartments which we converted to a penthouse place with gay B & B

………. and if you don’t believe me you can sill look at the place on

.. or you could last time I looked: my bedroom there is the Queen’s Room, …….stupid question: stupid answer! and I was there until my stroke in September 2011. after that it was my wish and manouvre to move to Berlin: Since London does not offer gay sheltered accommodation as yet, although I know there are plans……………. but for Brighton!

my god, who would want to live there!

you’d be surrounded by a fucking load of queens!

Well this morning I plucked up courage to ask the doctor categorically if I could go home for some hours on Xmas Eve if I arranged the transport myself in both directions and if I came back here in the evening.
Why ever not? she said with the common sense air of people who know that they have been cornered by sheer common sense! Well let’s hope she remembers! (Viktoria said “get it in writing!”……….. like saying to the doctor: thanks but I think you are a fucking liar!)

Well I’ll be seeing her again since she is operating me again tomorrow, to see if she can remove the negative pressure wound therapy appliance. But her assistant just appeared with the consent papers for the skin gráft which they will be carrying out tomorrow……….. So I bet the day of holiday on Xmas Eve will be pretty “iffy” now! (BUT her assistant is a fucking dish………. Didn’t catch his name let alone his phone no.!) hope I will recognise hm under a full anaesthetic!!

But we have plenty of time for all of that I suspect!

Anyway it is now Dec. 21st: They did the skin graft on Friday: no pain at all!

The doctor has just said I can go home on Tues. Wed. And Fri. but I have to return here for the night.
Ok by me, just hope we can find the pople to ferry me!
Then the skin graft will be examined on Friday!

Just had a load of visitors here………with food……… More Mandarins than in the whole of Morocco

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